I woke up.
I drank a cup of coffee.
I realized I needed a lot
A lot. A lot.
I then realized I had to go to work. I added Bailey's to my coffee.
But it was a nice thought.
I cleaned up around the house.
I tried in vain to get the boys to do their school work.
I thought about Cheyenne coming home from visiting her grandma in Texas.
I wondered if I lost any weight. Was my hair getting dryer? Would my bedroom look better moved around? Is that guinea pig pregnant?? What is that smell? Oh, the dog is trying to gas us out in his sleep.
These are just some of the things that I might think about at any given moment.
Are there pills for that?
I get ready, go to work. I'm running my behind off and my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. Sshhh it's not supposed to be there. I kind of look at it, and it's my friend Shelly. It's okay she'll leave a message.
Then Cheyenne texts me. Something like "I have to talk to you. Call me when you can."
I look around, the coast is clear, I tell her whatever it is, just text me.
Gosh, she knows I'm busy.
She texts back and writes "no you need to call me".
This is getting weirder.
I go to my supper break and call her.
My world as I knew it stopped.
Let me go back a few years.
When we moved to Fleetwood, Cheyenne made friends with Amanda,Iesha, and Ashley. They were pretty tight. So it was just natural that their moms and I became pretty tight friends too. It was the eight of us and we would and always will do anything for each other.
We had mother daughter sleepovers at Ashley's house after school was out for the summer. We watched the girls in parades twirling their rifles and silks. We went to Delaware together.
You get the point.
Well we moved to the farm about 3 years ago. We still keep in touch. My goodness we're not that far away. It's just not a five minute drive, but a twenty five minute drive.
Which brings me to last Thursday.
The reason Shelly (Amanda's mom) didn't
leave a message.
The reason Cheyenne wouldn't text me.
Crystal, Ashley's mom took her own life.
Let me tell you about Crystal, you needed anything, a ride, money, a stiff drink, a place to stay, a shoulder to lean on. ANYTHING. You could depend on Crystal. She bent over backwards for her children. She loved her family more than anything in the whole world.
None of this will ever make any sense ever.
This is the eight of us. Crystal is all the way in the back on the right.
She was like that. There always but not wanting to be in the lime light.
Or it could be the fact that my daughter is on her legs.
I remember during one of our sleepovers I made Crystal "gasp" walk down to the Turkey Hill to get icey tea.
She never let me forget the cramps she got in her legs. Ever.
I've been reading her obituary guestbook. There's some great things everyone said about her.
But I wonder... Did we ever take the time to tell her when she was alive?
I honestly can say I don't think I did.
If I only had one more day with her. I would tell her what a wonderful wife, mother, person she was. I would let her know how much I appreciated her and thought about her. I would tell her she was one of the most giving people I knew. I would let her know how if she ever went away forever, we would keep looking for her every day and never stop until we told her how much we loved her.
I can never say goodbye. Just, I'll see you soon my friend, may you finally be at peace.
Please, please take the time to tell your friends, family, co-workers how much you appreciate what they do and how much they mean to you and others every day.
Before it's too late.
You never know what someone's thinking.